It’s been a while since I have blogged but I thought it was time to check in and let you know that I am alive! What better day then on my Mom’s birthday to boot? Happy Birthday Jude!! Whoot!! It’s scary making a move across country when you only know one other person, but, after 8 full months, I am finally taking a deep breath and diving right in. I am doing things I never knew I had an interest in doing. There have been changes in the Vacca household and I have to admit that I am liking what I see!
In an effort to meet people and get my exercise on I joined a gym. Not just any gym but a training gym. A boxing gym if you will. Think Rocky Balboa and Apollo Creed’s gym but with light…and women…and what I can only imagine would be better smelling. Here. It looks like this:
I am not much of a fan of just running on a treadmill or up and down the street alone. All the music in the world can be playing and yet I still lose my motivation pretty fast. I’ve tried the weight lifting routine alone as well, yet still the same result. I pretty much run a lap, lift 5 lb. weights about 3 times and “I’m done!…Phew!” Yeah. Not working for me. One reason I thrived with intenSati was the cool people surrounding me and being able to feed off the inspiration they were pouring out selflessly. It really was a good time and I miss that. What I also missed, however, was something hard-core. When I worked out with Adam my favorite days were the kick-boxing days. Nothing like punching or kicking the crap out of something, or someone, to release some tension. With that in mind, I specifically went looking for a cardio kick-boxing class. I found anything but when I joined Team Universal. This is one bad ass mofo establishment!! I knew I might be in over my head when, on day 1, I was told to lose the socks and sneakers because it’s all done in the buff. Ew! Really? This does not bode well for my OCD but I figure at least now I have a real excuse to get a pedicure often. I can be tough and fight the fungus, but I REFUSE to have ugly toes in the process! I also looked around for cool LuLuLemon or Lucy wear; something stylish. Unless they start making mouth guards and Thai shorts I may as well look elsewhere. This is a bare bones boxing gym which specializes in Muay Thai (which is what I am a student of) and Ju Jitsu among other MMA programs. It is broken down into areas for students who just want fitness, those who want to spar, and those whose main goal is to become a fighter. Right now I am in fitness mode. I doubt I will ever be in fighting mode but the coaches in there train you as if you are. I wanted hard-core. I guess I better be more specific with my requests in the future. There are days when I am actually participating and thinking, “WTF are you doing here and why are you wearing such heinous shorts?” (Beginners are considered “green” meaning we don’t know squat and we are told to wear green, and I do mean GREEN, Thai shorts.) So I stand around looking like Kermit in the St. Patty’s Day parade and I practice my kicks and my punches, work up a sweat, learn a few things and head home. I think I like it. It’s been 2 months and I still cannot decide. Sometimes I love it and other times I need to remind myself to take it seriously because, by not doing so, I am shitting all over someone else’s goals and that’s not cool. The UFIT program does rock though. It’s all about Kettle Bells, ab work, circuit training, HIIT, plyometrics, etc…It’s exactly what I was looking for and a nice balance to Muay Thai.
I also turned in Maxine (my Nissan Maxima for those who don’t know who she is) for Ruby! Ruby is my new 2012 Jeep Wrangler 2DR Sport. She is a gorgeous deep cherry pearl red and it was love at first sight. Ever since Maxine was raped of her tires and basically assaulted there have been issues. Warning lights of all kinds kept flashing on and off, a rock hit her window while I was driving and she needed a new windshield, and I scratched and dinged her up quite a bit just trying to get into and out of my own garage! I loved her but I gotta say…she had some baaaaad juju, not to mention the fact that she was way too big a vehicle for the desert. This is Jeep country and, being as I always wanted a Jeep, I thought, why not now? It was a pretty easy decision once I found a dealership willing to work with me. Check out the wheels on her! Isn’t she a beaut??
The very next day I joined the Cactus 4 Wheelers. They are a LGBT Jeep club which does not discriminate against straight and questioning folks. It’s for everyone to get together, have a good time and 4 wheel!! I posted one pic and one comment on their FB page, ended up conversing with 4 of them to total 124 comments and then, 2 hours later, found myself in the desert learning the ropes with my new friend Teri! She took me literally INTO the desert!! I was weaving in and out of cactuses and desert bushes and taking on mounds of rock and dirt. It was awesome!!!! The one thing that truly sucked was this jackass hiding out in the bushes taking our picture. He said he was going to report us because we were destroying wild life. That was not even close to being the truth but I guess I will need to wait and see if I’m going to jail or not. My question is how he got out there in his 4×4 without destroying the wild life? Hmmm. Anyway, we had a great time and I was happy to get her out and let her strut her stuff. I promise you that land and animals were not harmed in the process. Insects may have been murdered and I am A-OK with that! What also kinda sucked is that Ruby was a hot mess after the fact. HOT. MESS. She was filthy dirty and I had the shakes because of it. I was willing a car wash to be open late but I didn’t think they were so I have to suck it up and drive around in this sandstorm of a vehicle! Seriously! I got dirt on the INSIDE just from rolling down the windows!! I know that this is a dirty sport and I admit that I am the very LAST person who should be participating but….I LOVE it!!! I may as resign myself to the fact that I need to be part owner of said car wash. I choose to look at this as therapy for my OCD. I wonder if I can write it off as a medical expense?
So all is well out here in Arizona. I am loving my apartment and my awesome neighbors. My Sweets and I have even been invited to their wedding at the end of March. They are a hoot to hang out with! It actually feels like HOME. I plan to finalize that feeling with a puppy sometime after April (more on that when the time is right.) I have gotten out more, taken road trips to some really beautiful spots on the weekends and just been relaxing and living my life. I was driving down the highway yesterday on a gorgeous 80 degree day, with the tops off of Ruby and just looking at the mountain views. In that moment everything just felt….right. I miss my family and I miss my friends but this is where I want to be right now. Life truly is good!
Oh yeah…one of my new friends from the gym asked me if I was interested in joining a gun club! She and the ladies go shooting on Friday nights. WTF!?? Really!!?? I forgot I am in a state where it’s legal to be armed. It’s nuts!! I didn’t give her a definitive answer yet. Between Muay Thai and off-roading I feel like I have butched up enough to BE the entire gay pride parade, or at least the dykes on bikes portion. If I join the shooting club I am basically one heterosexual experience away from becoming Sarah Palin. That’s something that will require some serious thought!
“To make the right choices in life, you have to get in touch with your soul. To do this, you need to experience solitude…because in the silence you hear the truth and know the solutions.” ~ Deepak Chopra
I have been struggling off and on for quite some time now. I chalked it up to menopause, my job, my apartment, my move to Arizona, my failed relationships, etc. You name it, I blamed it. The truth is that it goes deeper than that. It’s not about menopause because I pop a pill every day to make sure I am estrogen filled; it’s not about my job because I work with some great people, I get paid a nice salary and, let’s face it, I am blessed to have a job. It’s not about the apartment because I love it. I finally live alone and I am getting in touch with what I like and dislike. I have nobody to consult and, quite frankly, I like it that way right now. And it certainly isn’t about the move and the relationships because I know, with 100% certainty, that I made all the right decisions in both areas and I am exactly where I need and want to be. No, what it’s about is not knowing who I am at my core. Not being in tune with my spirit and my intuition. I am so far off base, I’m in another playing field.
This awareness came to fruition today at the coffee shop. Interesting place to have a moment of clarity amidst all the caffeine. I struggled a lot this week with the same old stuff I always struggle with. What is my passion and my purpose? Do I even have one or is my life meant to be spent behind a desk motivating nobody, not even myself? Am I the person that reads all the self-help books and listens to the motivational lectures and does absolutely nothing, or will I be one of those people one day? I cannot explain it but I feel like something bigger is out there for me. I have no clue what it is but I have to believe it’s true or I wouldn’t be having the week like I just had. Actually, I wouldn’t be having the day I am having.
I woke up as distressed as when I went to sleep last night. Just a heavy heart and not sure why. I decided to meditate for 30 min. and it did soothe me a little bit. My brain was of course running wild but I did my best to just let the random thoughts come and go. Eventually I was able too but by then the guided meditation was over. I was getting antsy so I decided to get up. My mind was telling me to go work-out but my heart (and my body) were telling me otherwise. I was getting the pull to take it easy, get out of my apartment and spend some time alone. What ended up happening was taking a mile walk to the coffee shop. It was a perfect day to do so. The weather reminded me of a fall day in New York and I didn’t mind the off and on rain. It actually felt quite nice to not have sunshine all the time. While I can appreciate it, it starts to piss me off every now and again. It’s like the people who find sunshine and roses in EVERYTHING. Makes me crazy and them less than believable, to me anyway. But I digress. I grabbed my iPod shuffle, my wallet and my iPad and I was on my way.
The walk and the fresh air felt like just what the doctor ordered. I was jamming to my music and taking in the gorgeous view of the mountains. Occasionally a jogger would pass me and I would have the “I should really be running and not walking” thought, berate myself for being fat and lazy, consider turning back and drinking water instead, but then continue to move towards my destination anyway. I just didn’t have it in me to listen to those self-deprecating voices in my head. Even I cannot stand listening to me sometimes! I’m glad I did not turn back. I owed it to myself to have a little down-time; a little time spent just with me. I ordered an iced mocha (and congratulated myself on the tasty decision to get sugar-free chocolate and skim milk. I am not being sarcastic; it was great!) and egg-whites with ham and cheese on an english muffin. I felt a little awkward eating alone (as this is only really my 2nd date with myself despite saying I was going to do it more often) but I did it anyway. It was after breakfast that I had my break-through. A couple of breakthroughs actually.
I started with my normal routine. Opening up my iPad and going directly to my Facebook account and my e-mail. This was break-through number one. After posting something ridiculous about my walk over (bitching about the rain and two coyotes), I checked my e-mail. In it was a blog post from my friend Laura who I met in a Sati class. She was talking about “unplugged weekends”. She shared how she was not going to Facebook, check e-mail, blog, etc… for the weekend and she was going to take that time to just be. Wow! That hit home and I knew immediately that this was something I was going to put into practice. I spend all week on the computer for work. During that time period I am on Facebook, Twitter, all sorts of news websites and, of course, checking my e-mail. When the day has ended, I am still checking to see who posted and what, if anything, was posted on my wall; who tweeted me; who responded to my e-mails, etc. This goes on until I hit the sheets. No wonder I don’t sleep well! My mind never shuts off. Ever!! I am so tired of being always available to everyone all the time. I leave my phone on in case there is a family emergency, but really, when I think about it, I managed to exist long before all this technology and I did fairly well. I am quite confident that I can do it again! So, while I know it won’t be easy, this is what I am going to try for the next 21 days (after all, it takes 21 days to break a habit, right coaches??): I will not Facebook, tweet, read the news or check my e-mail after 5pm. That’s quitting time and time for me to make dinner and unwind. Beginning at 5pm on Friday and lasting throughout the entire weekend I will not use any social media of any kind. I will not “check-in” to places I am visiting (quite frankly, who even gives a shit!?), I will not even so much as look at pictures. I will not check my e-mail and I will not read the news. Anything significant going on I will inevitably hear about. That weekend time will be used to do such things as spend quality time with the people I love, read, write, catch up on shows I missed during the week, watch movies, be in nature, etc… I have not been as present as I would like and I am missing out on the fun and goodness that is right in front of me. Thank you Laura for your inspiration!
I went right to work! I switched off Facebook (although I did cheat when I got home because I was awaiting a reply from a friend) and started to read. I wanted to read something that required no thought. Just a novel or a magazine, but there were people around me talking too loudly and I kept reading the same sentence over and over. A OCD thing perhaps? It really interferes with my concentration. I decided to just sit and be. I drank my coffee and waited out the conversation. Surprisingly I did not eavesdrop either. I actually just sat still and kinda spaced out. That was the best thing for me. A few thoughts crossed my mind. It’s not like these are new thoughts either but for whatever reason they just struck a chord with me today. Off and on I was fighting back the tears.
The first was weight. I have gained weight since I have been on this new estrogen pill. I workout out pretty hard and I have done a decent job with my eating (although there is always room for improvement) but I still cannot seem to drop it. It’s been eating at me (no pun intended) and all my focus lately has been on diet. It’s unhealthy (again, no pun…although I am finding I am quite good at them, no?). I forced myself to really think about how these thoughts are affecting me and the truth is, they are ruining me! I would never talk to my worst enemy the way I talk to myself. Worse than that, I would never ALLOW anyone to talk to me the way I talk to myself. It needs to stop and that thought alone brought me to tears. I am a damn good person. I make people laugh, I am kind, I am loving, and I have a lot to offer. My pant size (no dresses here folks) should make no difference. So why does it!? This is something I have been battling since I was a kid. My parents, while I love them and they meant no harm, where always telling me to lose a few pounds or where comparing me to my neighborhood girlfriends. Now, as an adult, I am comparing myself to everyone based on looks. It just stopped being cool with me today, ya know? It dawned on me that the reason I am not dropping any weight is because I am obsessing about it. I am a firm believer in what you think about you bring about. In my case, it’s what I obsess about I bring about. Well I’ve brought it about alright. Big time! (Get it? BIG time? Not funny? Okay..sorry..I couldn’t help myself). I don’t know how to just let go but I think a good place to start is to stop listening to the experts because, quite frankly, they all say something different, and just listen to my body. I’m not a stupid woman. I know that weight loss = more calories burned + fewer calories consumed. Smaller portions, mix-up my exercise routine, incorporate weight training. I get it. What I wasn’t getting, until now, was the listen to my body part. If I am hurting and need sleep, pushing though and showing the world what a trooper I am is not going to win me any points with myself. Eating a burger when my body is asking for grapefruit is only going to have me running for the nearest toilet. Is it worth it? Nah. I’m worth the effort and today was the much-needed reminder to get back to basics.
The second thing my mind drifted to was my spirit and how I have lost connection with it. Meditation this morning is what brought that on I think. I just feel so disconnected to myself. Cue the tears once again. I have spent so many years of my life trying to please everyone that I don’t know what to do to please myself. This time alone today really helped. Doing absolutely nothing but sit and be brought about a change in just about how I do everything. I realized, for example, that I like doing nothing. Who knew? Back in NY and for quite some time here in AZ, I have always been asking myself and others “what do you want to do today?”, “what’s on the agenda?” “where do you need me to be?” etc. I felt as though I had to have plans and be “busy” so that my self-worth was raised a few bars. I mean, staying in on a Friday night meant you were a loser with no friends, no? Not doing anything on the weekends meant nobody liked you or you were lazy, right? The more I had to do, the more valuable I was. What a crock of crap!! All I am is exhausted and run-down with a few pimples from the left-over tears to show for it.
I also drifted off into la-la land and started wondering when the hell I became so sensitive. Was I always a “tough guy” or was I always sensitive but with a “tough guy” routine? Did you know that was actually a nickname for me in high school? True story. “Alright tough guy, have it your way.”, “whatever you say tough guy.” Interesting. Anyway, lately I have been taking on people’s stuff and finding a way to take it personally and/or make it about me. I never used to do stuff like that. Or maybe I did and have just been in denial for 36 years. Either way, that’s what I have been doing. Case in point, this asinine idea I had about a Facebook page I created called The Pummel of Love. I was bantering back and forth with a friend about how all the negativity and drama in the world needed to be combatted. I had an idea to create a page and I was so friggin stoked to have had an actual idea that I just ran with it. By the very next day, actually, no…later that same day…I realized my idea was no different then a gazillion other pages that already existed. There was nothing that made it different and fun and coming up with ideas for the page was excruciating. I wanted to drop it as soon as I started it but I felt like I would be quitting on it just like I do with every “great idea” that I have. I decided to stick it out for a bit.; after all, I did have a whopping 46 followers, some of whom I begged to “like” that shit, and all of whom love me and support me regardless but….yesterday I finally just deleted it. It came to the point where I just didn’t care what people thought about my quitting. Chances are nobody noticed and, to be honest, I didn’t care that I was quitting. Call it quit, call it a creative “good try Tiff, you’ll get ‘em next time buckaroo”, call it whatever you want….it’s done and I am relieved. It wasn’t me. I try to take the positive approach as often as I can, I try to look for the good, but let’s face it, I don’t crap rainbows! When life is shit, I like to call it out. All those positive pages that already exist are great. When I need an uplifting message, I know where to go. But to put on an act and ALWAYS have that happy glow is….well…let’s just say it’s not what I believe to be true for me and leave it at that. Okay, so maybe that was not a good example. The point was that I have been sensitive. The lack of responses to the page…a page I disliked…felt like a hit to the ole ego. In reality, if I, the creator, did not like it, why would anyone else? There are other sensitive reasons behind it, but the details don’t matter. Just when the hell did I get so sensitive!?!?
Right before it was time to try to read again, I sat for a few more minutes and breathed. I thought about the negativity that inspired me to create that page to begin with and I tried to remind myself that people’s actions, no matter how lazy, rude, selfish, and inconsiderate, I may find them is NOT my problem. I have a choice as to whether or not I want to be involved in the drama and negativity but, more to the point, it’s not about me; it’s about them. What people allow into their worlds is their choice. I choose not to allow it in mine anymore.
As hard as today was, it was much-needed. Like the “unplugging” for the weekend and listening to my body, “doing nothing” will also have its challenges but I am willing to try. I am willing to say “no” when I mean no. I am willing to enjoy the time I have to myself. I love to write and I love to read. I have done neither because I was too busy worrying about what plans I needed to make to keep me occupied. Can it be lonely sometimes? Absolutely! But I have not even given it a fair chance. It’s time to do just that.
So, that’s where 3 hours, 2 drinks and 1 sandwich will get you on a Saturday morning (now late afternoon) if you let it. I asked for guidance before I left. I asked that I be shown how to let go and be me; how to stop pleasing everyone else and learn to listen within to what makes me tick. As you may or may not know, I am a music lover, so I decided to put my iPod on shuffle (something I rarely do) for the walk home and see what signs the Universe was showing me. 2 songs occupied the walk. The first was Mary J’s version of Stairway to Heaven. I was half listening to the lyrics when all of a sudden I just tuned in to the verse “and if you listen very hard, the tune will come to you at last.” I never listen. I hear. That needs to change and it was no coincidence I listened very hard at that time. The next song was by Melissa, Open Your Mind. That says it all. Listen and enjoy.
I say in my blog header that I am “loving, respecting and embracing the most important relationship in my life……the one with me” and it dawned on me today that I am full of shit! Seriously! I am quite good at calling others out on their shit but today I am calling out myself on mine! I’m not sure if I just liked the title, or if I thought that if it was in writing that I would automatically make it happen? Who knows. I just know that I am, just now, finally, figuring out that I AM the most important person in my world and I better get my act together and start treating me like it! I have not been loving, embracing, or respecting anything about myself. I would have glimpses here and there but they were fleeting. I really don’t know exactly what sparked the change in me today but I think I’ve got it this time around. I can’t make someone want to be friends with me, but I can be my own best friend. I can’t make someone want to be proud of me but I can be proud of me and who I am. I can’t make anyone love me, or even like me, but I can start to fall in love with myself.
Change is hard. Sometimes it’s downright brutal. But change is ALWAYS, at least in my opinion, a good thing. If change is happening it means I am still alive and that I can correct my mistakes. It means that something better is on the way and it’s a reminder to take the present opportunity to let new people and experiences into my life. Let’s face it. At the end of the day it’s me that I have to answer too. One thing I’ve learned the hard way from this move was that I need to rely on myself. That doesn’t mean I forgo asking for support and a helping hand, but it does mean that I need to stand on my own two feet and make things happen. If I am sad about losing friends, I need to put myself out there and make more. If I am bummed that I no longer feel like I belong, it’s on me to find a community that accepts me and one where I can contribute and fit in. If I am lonely and bored from sitting inside all day, I need to park my sweet ass outside and take in some fresh air. Ya with me? Well I took some baby steps today and it feels great!
Baby step #1 – Giving myself ground rules for Facebook. I raise my hand and admit that I have huge issues here. If I am the only one, well then I guess that makes me special. If anyone else special can relate, feel free to try these out for yourself:
First Rule – Accept that you only have control over the content, comments, pictures, etc…that are on your own page. You do as you please on your page (so long as it is always respectful of others and is in integrity) and respect the fact that others will do the same on theirs.
Second Rule – If something or someone makes you feel less than, log off. Nobody is out to get you and this is a clear indicator that you’re not in a good head space and you need to focus on something that will make you smile.
Third Rule – Be selective about what you comment on or refrain from comment altogether.
Fourth Rule – If you feel the need to censor yourself in ANY way, it’s not worth the post/comment. Leave it alone.
I find it sad sometimes how Facebook has become the be all end all (or so it feels). If it’s happening, it’s on Facebook. If something brings you great pride and joy, it’s announced on Facebook. Some good, some not. Let’s see if I can follow my own rules. I am hopeful that these four items will make me find my enjoyment with it again.
Baby Step #2 – I went out to lunch. Alone. I have never done this before and I am one of those people who always feel a tug at the ole heart-string when I see people out by themselves. For some reason, however, it felt important. I took a shower, got dressed, put on some make-up, did my hair, looked myself in the mirror and asked myself out. Not even remotely joking. It was the most awkward, bizarre thing I have done in a while but I made myself do it. I think I asked myself out six times before I said yes. That’s how long it took me to feel comfortable and make eye contact. Once I accepted my offer, I walked over to a cute little restaurant by my apartment complex and I had lunch. Not at the bar where people sometimes frequent alone. Not playing on all my gadgets to keep occupied (minus the tag of myself and check-in on Facebook for that prideful moment I was just talking about.) Nope. I sat in the middle of the dining area outside and enjoyed my time with me. I people watched, chatted with the waiter and, much to my surprise, felt more at ease then I assumed I would. When the meal was finished, I sipped on my iced tea and silently congratulated myself on a job well done for a first “date”. I refused to kiss myself though. Garlic breath.
Baby Step #3 – After 18 hours of OT the past two weeks, work finally slowed down this afternoon. Rather than sit in a cramped apartment that I spend 1000% of my time, I decided to take my laptop and go sit by the pool to write this blog post. There is a slight chill in the air and I am wearing my sweatshirt. It feels a teense like being back in NY and I like it.
Baby Step #4 – I am making time for those that I love and care about and who make me feel loved and appreciated in return; one of the greatest gifts I can give to myself. It starts with a Skype date with my cousin, Celeste, who I love and miss dearly and it ends with a date-night X Factor and my nightly gratitude list.
So there we have it. Learning to love, respect and embrace my relationship with me, one baby step at a time!
is on the brink of becoming my local Starsucks! No, no, no, this is not another estrogen free rant like a couple of days ago. This is merely an observation based on this morning’s visit. I should have known it was going to be nutty just based on the 2 minute walk there. As I was rounding the corner and about to step off the sidewalk, this woman in her flashy SUV, with the license plate somethin’ somethin’ somethin’ “ESPN” almost flattened me! She had just come from the drive thru and was applying EYE SHADOW with the same hand that she was holding her cell phone in (Bluetooth anyone?) while making a failed attempt to drive AND hold her coffee in the other hand! I scream EYE SHADOW because, obviously, that’s what’s wrong with this picture! Blush I can be forgiving about. Maybe even lipstick. But EYE SHADOW? Come on honey….let’s be more careful shall we? One more second and her license plate would have read somethin’ somethin’ somethin’ “Tiff Owns ESPN!”
So after my near death experience I still opt for iced coffee. I bounce back easily what can I say? The line is about 15 minutes long and I notice that Bi-Polar Beatrice is working this morning. I simply couldn’t pass up the opportunity to see what kind of mood she was in on this fine Friday. I shudder to even refer to her as bi-polar because that is an insult to those that really suffer from that illness, but nothing else fits at the moment. It is my mission to kill this woman with kindness even if it kills me in the process. She has been working there for a few months and it’s a total crap shoot as to which woman is going to show up. The first few weeks she was down right nasty and not at all what you would expect from a Starbucks employee. Not only that, all the rest of the employees are so incredibly sweet that it makes my face break out like a 13-year-old about to begin PMS! This woman just doesn’t fit. Perhaps they needed to add a little spice? Who knows. Anyway, she was just rude. I’d get up to the counter and be greeted with “yes?” I wanted to respond with “no, try again” but I always decide to smile and work with what attitude I have been given. She barely ever calls me by my name, sporadically gives me my 10 cent cup discount, rarely asks ask me if I want my receipt and always acts as if I am putting her out. Yet, what I find interesting, is that she is super nice to the guys. As a matter of fact, on one of her worst days, where I barely even got eye contact and a “yes, what do you want?”, the guy behind me got it all! A huge smile and a “Hi Tom”, a “here is your receipt honey” and a hug and her phone number on the way out! I thought I had her figured out. I’m not a guy! She only likes the boys! Okay…now I get it. Right!? Wrong! A few weeks ago I went in and this time BPB saw me and, with all her pearly whites showing, I got a “Hiiiii…where have you been? You look great! What can I get for you today, Sweetie?” Naturally I looked around for Tom but, alas, she was talking to me. She called me by my name (which is written on my cup), she gave me my receipt and she wished me a wonderful day! Holy shit!!! Was this the same woman?? What was different? All I could come up with was either a) people started to complain or b) it was because I was dressed differently. I know that makes no sense but every time I have gotten the cold shoulder I have had a baseball cap on and been in sweats. This time I had done my hair, was wearing make-up and was dressed like I was actually going to work. Perhaps she just likes pretty people? Tom was pretty. So was his boyfriend. That must be it, right? Nope. Still haven’t figured it out. I’ve been looking pretty after the fact and it seems we are back to “yes, what is it that you want?” I also showed up this morning in sweats and that crusty, I just rolled-out-of-bed look and she treated me so-so. I got the smile, a “what can I get for you, Dear” and a receipt, but, as I was waiting for my spinach feta wrap at the counter, she walks over, rolls her eyes, and says “can I help you with something?” “Ummm…. well…..being as I just ordered from YOU, I thought I’d actually wait it out and leave with what I paid for. Sound like a plan?” Good Lord, she is a tricky one! I WILL get two nice days in a row. I’m a woman on a mission!!
The woman in front of me this morning was great too. I thought we were going to get along because she had what appeared to be New York patience. She was tapping her foot for the full 15 and when she got to the counter she placed an order for what sounded like a “TrentaIcedVanilla5ShotMochaDisplasiaUnsweetenedCaramelMacchiatta” with a teaspoon of water. WTF!? She really spoke that fast! I couldn’t blame Beatrice for the 7 times that she needed clarification. What’s great is that the woman looked at me for back-up. Normally I like to help a sista out but I only order unsweetened iced coffee and I bring my own cup. You’re on your own toots.
What also amazes me is the hard-core people who have made Starbucks their home office. Out of every table only one was empty and I wish I stuck around long enough to see if there was going to be a war over it. All the other tables had a place-holder. Someone left an Apple charger and keys, another left a notebook, and another was held by my personal fave, a STICKY NOTE! It reminded me of when I was 10 and my brothers and I would have to call “Shotgun!” for the front seat in the car. I guess it’s all about trust out here though. I find that silly. I could always use another charger as back-up and I am getting low on post-its. Just sayin’….
Anyway, that was my morning and I just had to share! I am feeling MUCH better than the last time I blogged and, as I said in the beginning, I was estrogen free. Not that I am apologizing or making excuses. I felt how I felt and I needed to get it out. I just can’t help but wonder if I would have been that bitchy had I not swallowed that beautiful, tiny, pale green pill of sunshine and delight? Ah well. It is what it is. I am just happy to be back! After that rant the Universe gave me a hug. I heart you too, U!
This post is going to be slightly different then the rest. I do my best to be positive and, on days when I am not feeling it, I usually just keep quiet and do what I need to do in order for it to pass. I’m not a fan of listening to people drone on and on about the trials and tribulations of life. We all have our own shit and we all need to deal with it in our own way. Mine is usually slapping on a smile and letting very few people in. That doesn’t always work but it does a good majority of the time. Today, however, is a different story. Have you ever woken up in just a crap mood? No rhyme or reason. It’s just a Wednesday and you feel like garbage? I’m sure we’ve all been there and, if you haven’t, well consider yourself blessed because this feeling sucks! So…today I am going to write about it. Not about everything for personal reasons, but a good portion that I know won’t be TMI. If it is, and you’re looking for positive, might I suggest coming back another day. No harm, no foul. It’s all good, I promise! Besides, there are people out there that I know read this blog and love to see me miserable. To those people I say that today is your lucky day!! Just don’t expect it to last…..
This move has been, at best, okay and, at worst, down right miserable! That’s not to say that there has been no bright spots or days when I feel like this was the best decision I ever made. There have been those moments and those days but, sadly, they are few and far between. I keep trying to remind myself to be patient and go easy on me. That I cannot possibly be adjusted to an entire new way of life in 5 months after being set in my ways for the past 36 years. It makes sense and, for the most part, I get it. I’m trying to have patience and go easy on me, but on the days when I feel like I am going at it completely alone, it just gets too difficult. Where do I even begin?
Friends. Why don’t we start with them. If you ever want to know if a friendship is the real deal or one that just suits at the time, move across the country. Leave everything you know; leave behind your entire way of life and then see who has your back. It’s a real eye opener I tell you. In an effort to be somewhat positive, I will say this: The true friends that I do have are pretty freaking amazing! They are the ones who pick up the phone or drop an e-mail and ask how I’m doing. The ones who have actually come for a visit, or are in the middle of planning one. The friends that I can call without any thought whatsoever as to the time difference and know that they will listen to me cry, yell, vent, etc… I used to think I had a ton of those types of friends and then…. I moved. About 90% have vanished. Out of sight, out of mind. I’ve called. I’ve e-mailed. I’ve texted. Now…I’m done. What can I say? You either want to be a part of my world or you don’t. Either way, it’s cool. Just own it! I find it fascinating that the majority of people I have known (minus one person in particular who has been a dear friend from high school) for the least amount of time are the ones closest to me. Some I have met online and only see once or twice a year, if that, and others I have met at the gym in NY not too long ago. The unexpected has been a pleasant surprise and the expected has been a complete disappointment. Right now, if you had to ask me what I’ve learned from this, it would be this: Life is a series of disappointments so try to expect nothing to limit the amount of them. I sound like a woman hurt, don’t I? That’s because I am. This too shall pass.
Meeting people. Minus my neighbors (who ROCK!) and a few random people from the new boot camp classes I joined, it’s been difficult. I work from home so I am attached to my computer. I can’t bring work to a Starbucks or a local coffee shop because I need to be connected to their network. I thought that joining this gym/boot camp would be a good idea because I love to work out and that’s how I met some new people in NY. If I was tweeting right now, I’d say #FAIL. I hate to generalize people, but, in my experience so far, it’s been like school. Everyone knows everyone else and does not go out of their way to make someone new feel welcomed. It is one big click and not something I wish to get tangled up in. Even the instructors themselves (minus one) don’t go out-of-the-way to make people feel welcomed unless they already know you. I get a grunted response when I say “good morning” and there is nobody motivating you along the way when a pick-me-up is clearly needed. Screw that!! I guess I was spoiled by intenSati where people actually give a shit! Here it’s grunts and groans. You grunt at me, you’re rude and don’t deserve my attention. Period! For now I will stick with the two morning sessions where I have a couple of people who are actually pleasant to be around and the rest of the time I will work out in my complex at the fitness center provided for us.
The weather. I really can’t say much here because I am not an idiot. I did know that I was moving to Arizona and I was well aware that it would be hot. Did I think I would never see rain again, or feel a nice cool chill in the air, or experience 100 degree days in OCTOBER!? No. That I was a little off about. In general though, I knew. Much easier experienced in my mind then in real life I can tell you that.
Overall loneliness. There is no other way to say it. I know some people out here but they have their own lives and I cannot expect them to always be around when I need a friend. There is no lonelier feeling in the world then feeling that you are, in fact, alone. I read a quote today that pretty much sums it up. I have to create my own happiness. I cannot be dependent upon someone else. Great idea. Very true. One way I will eventually do that is with a pet. I’ve been on a mission to find the right puppy. I can’t afford the one I want right now, but it still feels good to look and pretend. My cat of 15 years was put down, my other cat is living with my Mom for the time being, and my dog died at 3 years of age (about 5 years ago) from a heart attack. I’ve been reluctant to get a dog since then but, when I am able to conjure up the happy memories of him, I have never felt more loved. Cats are great, yes, but there is something about the interaction with a dog. I want a companion to make the days seem a little less lonely. One that I can take with me to the store or coffee shop. Who knows, I may even meet people that way as well. Nothing else is working so why not, right?
There you have it folks. That’s all I can share. Minus a few good days here and there, life is not what I expected it to be out here in Arizona. I promised myself a year and I can only hope and pray that when the time comes I will want to stay. I miss my old life. I miss my routine. I miss feeling like I belonged somewhere and fitting in. I miss my family and the few, true friends that I have left. Right now I am left with Skype and Facebook to keep in touch and feel connected. Facebook! That’s a whole new blog for another day. I am blessed to have that connection but, if you ever want to feel even worse about yourself and you REALLY want to sit in your own funk, go on it. There are a variety of ways to really start hating it all! True story.
Anywho….this piss poor attitude won’t get me anywhere. As I said before, I am well aware of how this blog post sounds but get this…. I don’t give a rats ass!!! It’s how I feel and I don’t like to hide. Hiding is weakness. This is me in all my ugliness. I’m embracing it as the title of my blog states. There are days when smiling and acting “as if” get real old and tiring and just plain suck the life out of me. I am done hiding and done pretending. This shit is hard!!
Rant over.
It is my hope for myself that one day I belong. If not here, then somewhere.
Almost gym time. I can feel the excitement. Time to get out of my PJ’s and make my big debut into the world. Yay.
Damn! Mention the word masturbation a few times and watch your numbers rise! (no pun intended) I have gotten quite a few hits on this blog lately and I don’t know if I should credit it to the pleasing of oneself (I’m afraid to say masturbate more than once….shit, I did it again!) or just to the fact that I finally started blogging again. Either way, I’m feelin’ the love! So thanks for that! Now I feel as though I should move away from that topic for the time being. I’m sure I will find a way to bring it back around some time in the near future though, so please don’t fret.
In other news….
I was at Starbucks the other day and I was eavesdropping in on an interesting conversation. Yeah, I do. I eavesdrop. The line was long and it was just me. Don’t judge. We all do it! These two gals were discussing a writing prompt that they had read on Plinky. My ears perked up because I joined awhile ago in an effort to get my creative juices flowing. I hadn’t responded to a prompt in a bit, and had all but forgotten about the site, until I over heard this conversation. (The Universe was nudging me!) The prompt was something about home and what it means to you. One woman was very adamant that her home was where she lived and, if she were to leave, her next house would be home as well. Very black and white. The other woman was getting all irritated with her because she didn’t see any grey and her version of home was where her horses were. Her horses were her love and that’s where she felt most at ease and peaceful. Her friend was having no part of it. The look on her face was priceless. It was like “your home is in a STABLE!? With them smelly ass horses!!!??? What’s wrong with you!?” This is not what she said mind you; it was just what I was hearing from her facial expressions. While I cannot see my home at or in a stable either, I have to give the girl props for going with her heart on this one. So….of course it got me thinking and this is my take on it:
Home is where the Heart is, no? I’m still trying to figure that one out. Part of my heart is back in NY with my family and friends, yet I never felt at home there, hence my move. My heart is also out here in Arizona, yet I am still feeling unsettled and not quite “home”. Yet. So, as of right now, the most fitting answer would be: Home is where my puffy pillow is. Some refer to it as my “wubbie” and others as a baby pillow but I call it my puffy pillow. There is no puff. I can fold this bad boy into eighths! I have had it since the invention of pillows and, no matter where I am, I feel safe and at home cuddled up with it. Many have tried to steal puffy (as I affectionately call it) in my sleep and use it for themselves. This was not their wisest move. Forever puffy….forever home! Peeps…. meet Puffy!
Puffy does the 'Care Bear Stare'
Yes, that is a Care Bear pillow case! Loud and Proud!!
I wonder what that lady in Starbucks would think about this!?
I’m in a pretty fantastic mood in case you’re wondering. I think it’s because I am finally settling into my new life here in Arizona. I still miss my family and friends but it seems we’ve all settled into a nice routine with calling one another, Skype dates, e-mails, text messages, and, of course, Facebook! I am also pretty psyched because I can now confidently take a walk around the area and not feel like I belong in an episode of “I Shouldn’t Be Alive”. I had a scary brush with a baby scorpion coming out of my tub drain and a nasty face-off with, what I now know to be, a cricket (they do not look like the east coast crickets, I can promise you that!) but, other than that, I have managed fairly well. I learned to use hairspray as a weapon and I don’t shriek like a little girl when I see a lizard….or a bunny. Don’t get me wrong; just because I don’t scream bloody murder, does not mean that they are a welcome sight. The difference now is basically running the opposite direction in silence as opposed to jumping into the arms of the person nearest to me and crying. If you missed it, I am terrified of critters of all kinds. Give me a subway rat any day of the week!
I’m really making an effort to go with the flow and let things happen as they are intended. I keep reminding myself that it’s only been about 4 months in and I cannot expect to be completely settled after leaving behind everything I have known for the first 36 years of my life. So, in an effort to loosen up and relax a little, I have opted for some pretty serious self-care. I must say this: self-care ROCKS and it’s making so much of a difference! If you don’t practice it daily might I suggest that you do? Right now! Stop reading and go make it happen. Self-care is LOVE and LOVE IS:
Going to the Vortex in Sedona
Signing up for new exercise/boot camp classes
A top of the line pedicure
Sitting in the spa and watching the sun rise
Sleeping in on a weekend morning
Movie nights
Sittin’ outside with my i(Lilly)Pad sippin’ on an iced coffee and enjoying the day
A new book, new music and a new app
Writing
LOVE is also:
Feeling heard and understood
Feeling loved and appreciated
Laughing so hard you just might tinkle…or break wind….or both
I laughed my ass off when I received this and it came at the perfect time. The Universe has been sending me all sorts of signs in the past couple of days but this one took the cake. Not because I’m putting out secret “I want you to think about me and masturbate” vibes into the world (although, hey, who am I to stop you? Whatever works for ya!), but because I love the message and I especially love the delivery!! I go back and forth with myself a dozen times an hour about writing. What will my message be and how will I convey it? What will make people want to read and listen to what I have to say when someone else is already saying it in a much more succinct and intelligent way? What do I want this blog to be about anyway? It’s so damn random and half the time I wonder if I should shut er down altogether. That won’t be happening anytime soon though. I may not know much but I do know this: I love the sound of my own voice and the click of my fingers on the keypad. Even if I am my own audience, I refuse to give in and stop doing something I love because I am in comparison mode. I will ride it out and eventually this blog will become less random and have a theme. Or not. Who knows? Who cares!? Back to masturbation…..
So this unbelievably hot woman sends me this message and it floored me. First because she is so unbelievably hot and sent it to ME! Holler!!!! One can only assume I may be her reason to masturbate?? Fabulous!!!! Second because she is one of those Polly Positive people who always has a well polished delivery and people flock to her for advice and inspiration. She IS inspiration and also one of the women that crosses my mind when it comes to the “should I say this or leave it to the professional?” tug of war that goes on in my head. Maybe it was the masturbation piece, or maybe it was just plain ole gas, but either which way… a lightbulb went off!! Why not just BE ME and convey MY message the way that fits for ME?? One reason I believe I was not as successful as a coach as I would have liked was because I was trying to be someone I wasn’t. I was trying too hard to say the right thing; act the right way; be as politically correct as the next person. Here’s the deal: I’m not politically correct. I put my foot in my mouth so much that the smell of feet sometimes turns me on! While I do believe in all this “Life is change; Growth is optional; Choose wisely” stuff, I also know that it’s not that easy. I read The Daily Love and it’s awesome! I read Facebook and get moved by all the “you can do it, just change your thinking” quotes and it feels good. Then I close down the app, go about my day and nothing has changed. It’s not that easy. It sounds great but it’s hard as hell! When I feel like crap and I’m in a bad mental place, make no mistake about it; I know why I’m there. I know that my attitude and my thinking needs to change. Got it. Check. If you can tell me how to make that instantaneous switch, I’m listening. Until then, I think I’m going to try it MY way. Speak slower, use simple words and try to lighten it up a bit! That should about do the trick. Let’s try some on for size, shall we?
“To the world you might be one person, but to one person you might be the world.” – Translation ——> “You’re somebody’s reason to masturbate” or, for the celibate, “You’re somebody’s reason to smile”
“As I live each day, may I make a difference and touch one heart… each day it is my goal to bring smiles and laughter into a soul” – Translation ——> “Got me? I’ll do your body good!”
“Someone’s opinion of you does not have to become your reality” – Translation ——> “Everyone else is full of shit, except you Love!”
Yep, so far so good. It feels good to just stop trying for a change and just be. Why so serious anyway? Let’s face it; I’m not the serious type. I can’t remember the last time, if ever, that a friend or family member called me because they wanted a serious opinion. 9 times out of 10 it’s because they want to laugh and they know that, at some point, I will say something off the wall and asinine and they will walk away feeling better. If that’s what I can bring to the table then so be it. Is it such a bad thing to make people want to smile, lighten up a little and feel good about themselves? Surely there has to be somewhere I fit in, right? Good Lord, I hope so!
While I don’t always know how to convey my message in a politically correct, neatly wrapped package, I will tell you this: you will never walk away feeling bad about yourself. Not on my watch. If you do, you suck and clearly don’t know how to take a joke! Kidding!! What was the saying in the early 90’s? JK? Psych!? Ew….so glad those days are gone.
I read a writing prompt the other day which asked me what I would say if I had 2 minutes and everyone was listening. Absolutely nothing came to mind because, quite frankly, when I walk into a room I demand the spotlight. It’s not a conceited, ego thing…it’s more like a loud, abrasive, New Yorker thing. I can’t help it. So I chose not to respond to the prompt. Thinking about it now, however, I guess I would look into the mirror and speak to the one person who NEVER listens to me and I’d say this:
“Girl, what’s your problem!? You are surrounded by family and friends who love and adore you. You have your health; you have made the courageous, bold move of packing up your life and shipping it across the country just like you’ve always talked about; you live in a pretty kick-ass apartment surrounded by beauty; you have a job, food on your table, money in your pocket, and a passion for life! You have everything you’ve ever wanted with an added bonus of personality, wit and humor so fucking snap out of it!!! So what if you have yet to find your “purpose” in life? Who cares if you changed course, again? Nobody is judging you or expecting anything from you but YOU! You took chances and tried new endeavors. Just because they didn’t turn out as you expected does not make you a failure. It makes you a friggin ROCK STAR for even trying in the first place. Stop comparing yourself to everyone else, stop putting yourself down and get your shit together Sister!! If you love to write, WRITE! If you to laugh, LAUGH! Who gives a shit what people think?? Start worrying less about what they think and more about YOU think! Be your own reason to masturbate!!!”
I wonder if I will listen. If not to me, then at least to my idol, Ms. Melissa Etheridge!!
Friday night, September 30th, I unexpectedly lost a treasured member of my family. For those of you who have ever loved a pet you will surely know where I am coming from. My Bailey has been a member of my family for over 15 years. She has seen me through the tragedy of 9/11, some pretty rough break-ups, a complete Hysterectomy, some milestone birthdays and everything in between and, through all of it, she has been judgement free. That’s one thing I love some much about pets. It doesn’t matter what mistakes you may have made, how bad you smell from a night of partying, how much weight you may have gained (or lost) and what sexual orientation you are….they just love you for who you are and how you make them feel. Bailey was no different and now I need to cope with the hole that is left in my heart. There is no preparing for death of any sort, but when it comes out of virtually nowhere and punches you so hard in the face you feel like you might be blind, that makes it so much worse. That may sound dramatic but that’s how I feel and that is exactly what happened.
I was so excited to be going home for a brief weekend to see my family. My nephew was being christened and, since I was in town, I thought it might be a good idea to take Bailey and Sox to the vet to get clearance for them to fly back with me to Arizona in December. They have been staying with my Mom since the move. I wanted everything taken care of here before I moved them into a new place; this way I could be here and there wouldn’t be any movers in and out and scaring them even more. They have done quite a few moves with me and, based on past performances, I thought this was the ideal situation. Had I known this would be the end result, I would not have had them stay with my Mom for so long. In any event, there is nothing I can do about that now. I expected there to be an issue with Sox since she is the older of the two and has a history of UTI’s and other problems but I was pleasantly surprised when they both got passing marks and I was given a certificate (for the low low price of $25 each) to take them home! When I got back to my Mom’s and allowed them out of the crate, Bailey barely pulled herself out and then collapsed to the floor. It was as if she had a stroke and went paralyzed from the middle of her back to her hind legs. She could not stand up and was floundering around like a fish out of water. It didn’t help that I immediately started to cry and my 3-year-old niece was a witness. My Mom called the vet and I immediately scooped her up and took her back. The doctor had no idea what was happening and said it was most likely stress. Bailey was panting like she was dehydrated and her heart rate was so fast I thought for sure she would have a massive heart attack right there on the table. They kept her for observation and I left and tried to think the best. I knew in my heart that this was something she was not coming back from and I wish I went with that knowing rather than run with the glimpse of hope that the vet gave when she had me pick her up 4 hours later. She said that her heart rate was back to normal and she was walking, albeit “arthritically”, okay. Her x-rays came back negative and nothing could be found to be the cause. The only missing piece was her blood work and a urinalysis which would take until the following day. So, back to my Mom’s we went and, just as I was still afraid of, she could not walk. The breathing and heart rate were okay, and she was even purring, but her attempt to hold herself up was tearing my heart in half. I brought her upstairs and she limped under the bed, where she usually hides, and stayed there. She refused to drink and eat but, as the doctor said, I put her in a quiet space and let her alone. She started to walk a little here and there and I felt it was okay to leave her. My Mom was watching her and I had said I would be over if there was any issue. Longer story long, I got the call I had been dreading at 10:45. Bailey let out a scream like no other and was lying in the upstairs hallway. She was back to labored breathing, a racing heart and vomiting. I told my Mom I’d be right over. There is no reason my baby should die without me there and it’s not fair to my Mom to have to go through this again (her kitty died just last December). I had no idea what this would be like. We put animals to sleep before but my Dad shielded us as kids from the horror of it all. It was just that. Pure horror. To see someone (yes, Bailey, to me, was someone…she was not just a cat) you love suffering and dying before your eyes, and there is not a damn thing you can do to help, was gut wrenching. I laid down beside her and sobbed. I prayed and willed her to die already!! I told her it was okay and that I am letting her go. It felt like she was holding on for some reason and, if it was because she thought I couldn’t handle it, which, based on my tears as I write this and the hot mess that I was, I couldn’t…..I thought giving her my blessing might help. It didn’t. My poor baby fought and fought and I cried and cried. The vet was amazing. She agreed to meet me, which by now was damn close to midnight, at her office which was 5 min. down the road. She laid her on a nice fluffy, yellow towel and I pet her and dropped all my tears into her poor eyes while the injection was being ready. Poor B was so dehydrated that she couldn’t even find a vein. The vet decided to go with a shot to the abdomen and told me she would peacefully drift off. Call me crazy, but, as I looked into Bailey’s eyes and held her for the last time, she appeared to have drifted off a split second before the shot was administered. I guess I will never know for sure since I was only focused on her eyes, but it doesn’t matter. My baby girl is finally at peace. Now I just wish I could find some.
We took her home and buried her in our pet cemetery. She rests in peace next to Dusty, my Mom’s cat. I thank God for my niece and the levity only a 3-year-old can bring. ”Come on Uncle Johnny, we gotta bury her up!”; “Make the hole deeper Uncle Johnny, we don’t want Bailey to get out”; “Now Bailey and Sox are neighbors and they can play together in Heaven”. God I love her! We colored on her box and wrote a little message letting Bailey know we loved her. We drew a balloon in purple, which is apparently Bailey’s favorite color. I would have guessed blue, but I guess now we will never know. My girl is at rest, something she never really found in life. I rescued her as an abused kitten and the poor dear was afraid of everything: the vacuum, thunderstorms, people she didn’t know, being held, her own shadow! She was my night mush though. Every night she was right on the bed, up in my face or standing and kneading on my stomach. She had so much love to give and she showed it in the best way she knew how.
Saturday the results of the blood work came back. She was in liver failure. A normal liver enzyme, from what I could understand through the tears, was about 200. Bailey’s were at an 883. It was coming on for a while now and the commotion of the vets office (the barking dogs, the car ride, the stress of being examined) is what sparked it. I keep thinking that I should never have taken her to the vet and she would still be alive, but the rational part of me knows that it was just a matter of time. Better for me to be there and handle it then have it happen at some other random moment. It’s like she waited for me to come home to see her one last time.
Sox and I miss you and we love you so much Bailey Bop! Thank you for loving us unconditionally! I pray that you are finally without fear and that, wherever you are, that you are at peace. Give some love to your baby brother, Donovan and your sister, Dusty!
Here is a mini slide show of some of my favorite Bailey photos. What a doll face!!
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Now all I can do is grieve and get through this…..and wait for my $25 refund for the “all clear” certificate!
“Me? Behave? Seriously? As a child I saw Tarzan almost naked, Cinderella arrived home after midnight, Pinocchio told lies, Aladdin was a thief, Batman drove over 200 miles an hour, Snow White lived in a house with 7 men, Popeye smoked a pipe and had tattoos, Pac-Man ran around to digital music while eating pills that enhanced his performance and Shaggy and Scooby were mystery solving hippies that always had the munchies. The fault is not mine!”
A friend posted this on his Facebook page today and I have a feeling it was one of those “copy and repost if you like this” suggestions. Apparently he and I are too cool to do things such as that, so we just remove the suggestion, add some quotations, and use it as our own.. Hey, at least I can admit it. There is no shame in my game! In any event I saw this and chuckled. Not a full on “LMAO” or even a “LOL” but a nice chuckle. It’s interesting to see how the influences of TV characters from my childhood have helped shape me into the woman I am today. It’s all becoming clear now:
Seeing Tarzan half-naked and wishing it was Jane, or, better yet, wishing I was Tarzan, was a pretty good indicator of things to come.
I’ve brought a few Cinderella’s home after midnight. It was the lady-like thing to do, no?
Pinocchio’s lies were fine but his nose freaked me the hell out! It was long and hard and kept getting longer and harder whenever he opened his mouth!? Yeah, no thanks! *vomit*
I was busted for shop lifting in college. I’m not proud of that fact and I will not name who was with me to protect the guilty, but I will say that it scared the shit out of me! When I was leaving, all I heard was “Miss, I’m going to need you to come back into the store.” I responded with something like “ah, that’s sweet but no thanks, I’m good.” That didn’t go over so well. I never stole again.
I have been pulled over for speeding. Who hasn’t? I just bored myself with that one.
I have lived in a house with 3 men (okay, 1 man and 2 boys) and that was more than enough. Nothing like having your brothers come into your room, lift the covers, fart on you, and then hold you under in a mass of lethal suffocation. I knew then that living with men (or boys) was simply not an option.
Popeye rocked! He was strong and loved his Olive Oyl. I wanted to grow up strong, tattoo myself, smoke pipes and be able to protect my woman. Minus the pipe smoking part, which I just learned to do a few months ago (tip: do NOT inhale!), I am quite the success at the rest, much to the dismay of my Mom.
Pac-Man (and Ms. Pac-Man) is a different story. I do admit to enjoying digital music at the time, but I do not, and I repeat, I do NOT admit to enjoying sexual relations with that woman…er…..wrong topic…..I meant that I do not, and I repeat, I do NOT take any performance enhancing pills. The ability to run a 35 minute mile to McDonald’s, eat a number two value meal, and walk home is my ability and MY ability alone!
Munchies? Like pot brownie at Woodstock type munchies? I dunno, you tell me. What’s it look like?
So like I’ve been trying to tell you, as per the “copy and repost if you like this” suggestion,……..the fault is not mine!
